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Just as it says. Ready for me to unload all this on you? Let's go.
My boyfriend of 11 months told me "I love another girl while I love you" about 3 months ago.
I was about thiiiissss close to dumping his ass.
"But I hate myself for it, and I love you so much more."
Goddammit.
So I was bitter, jealous, and mean towards her.
She is his best friend.
She lives 5 minutes from him.
I live 4 hours from him.
I felt like at any moment he would dump me and go for her.
So we argued all the time about it.
So he came to visit for a week, and we got pretty damn close...because we forgot the condom (which is a stupid excuse, I know).
When we went to take him home it was kinda sad.
About 20 minutes from his parents though...we started arguing.
I told him it hurt to be stuck here.
I told him when he called her the night before and had her on speaker, I had watched his face.
I told him all about how his eyes looked and his smile looked.
I told him he never looked at me that way.
So I asked him to choose between me and her.
The answer was clear in seconds.
Her.
That was it.
After reassuring me everyday he loved me more.
After telling me I was the best person in his life.
After constantly saying he would never leave me for her.
After telling me all of this shit that I was better.
After saying he would never hurt me like Riley did.
He did.
He hurt me just as bad.
He reduced me to nothing.
A broken mess.
And now...now it's a wait to find out if I'm pregnant.
And if I am, I'm fucked.
Everyone I know that can drive is severely against abortion.
And the one person who wouldn't have asked questions when they drove me, moved.
If my mom found out, she'd make me keep it.
Not abortion.
Not adoption.
It'd be mine to take care of.
My mom told me a few years ago,
"My grandchildren will not be dead, or raised in someone else's home..if you get pregnant, it's your responsibility."
While I agree it is my responsibility.
And I feel like shit for trying to get rid of that type of responsibility.
However, I have my whole life ahead of me.
I don't need this shit.
I was stupid, and I regret it.
Not anything I can do now.
My life will be ruined.
And I've been crying since 10.
Its now 2:30.
I need sleep.
My boyfriend of 11 months told me "I love another girl while I love you" about 3 months ago.
I was about thiiiissss close to dumping his ass.
"But I hate myself for it, and I love you so much more."
Goddammit.
So I was bitter, jealous, and mean towards her.
She is his best friend.
She lives 5 minutes from him.
I live 4 hours from him.
I felt like at any moment he would dump me and go for her.
So we argued all the time about it.
So he came to visit for a week, and we got pretty damn close...because we forgot the condom (which is a stupid excuse, I know).
When we went to take him home it was kinda sad.
About 20 minutes from his parents though...we started arguing.
I told him it hurt to be stuck here.
I told him when he called her the night before and had her on speaker, I had watched his face.
I told him all about how his eyes looked and his smile looked.
I told him he never looked at me that way.
So I asked him to choose between me and her.
The answer was clear in seconds.
Her.
That was it.
After reassuring me everyday he loved me more.
After telling me I was the best person in his life.
After constantly saying he would never leave me for her.
After telling me all of this shit that I was better.
After saying he would never hurt me like Riley did.
He did.
He hurt me just as bad.
He reduced me to nothing.
A broken mess.
And now...now it's a wait to find out if I'm pregnant.
And if I am, I'm fucked.
Everyone I know that can drive is severely against abortion.
And the one person who wouldn't have asked questions when they drove me, moved.
If my mom found out, she'd make me keep it.
Not abortion.
Not adoption.
It'd be mine to take care of.
My mom told me a few years ago,
"My grandchildren will not be dead, or raised in someone else's home..if you get pregnant, it's your responsibility."
While I agree it is my responsibility.
And I feel like shit for trying to get rid of that type of responsibility.
However, I have my whole life ahead of me.
I don't need this shit.
I was stupid, and I regret it.
Not anything I can do now.
My life will be ruined.
And I've been crying since 10.
Its now 2:30.
I need sleep.
Congrats. You made a 16 year old girl want to cut.
Kk. So I'm so sick of people claiming that they are a safe person to talk to or they run a safe space. I seriously posted my own fucking opinion on tumblr and had two people calling me asshole, douche, idiot, and telling me I was a misogynist and I was unfit to be a woman. I go to their blogs where they claim to be a fucking safe space. Sure. Sure you are. Not like I'm fucking suicidal, a recovering self harmer, and it's not like I cry myself to sleep most nights or anything. Your comments are not appreciated. Besides that, I'm still a fucking minor and you are an adult. Way to go. You succeed at life. You made a fucking 16 year old girl want
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I Miss The Little Things
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Okay. Let me explain this whole fucking mess.
K. So I meet this guy on meetme. He loves halfway across the state. We start talking. I like him. He likes me. We date. So we meet up 3 times. 1st time with my mom and her friend and his mom and him. We hit it off. Yay it's great. Whoopee. 2nd time I stay a week at his house with his whole family and him. It's weird. It's kinda sucky. The sex is okay. He's too rough. I kinda hate his family. I'm disgusted by how he lives. 3rd time he stays at my house for 2 days while his brother is taken to military school. Once again it sucks. The sex is disgusting. He's too rough. I hate it. I hate his family.
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